The not so distant future of advertising

I went to the future a few days ago. It was loads of fun. While I was there I managed to scribbled a few notes down in my mole-skin notebook about what advertising is like in the future. Here are a few things I found interesting.

Word of Mouth
- In the future companies can hear everything you say using these nano-millo-chip thingies that float in the air molecules. So companies like Coca-soft and AppleKraft offer large amounts of electronic monetary funds to the 10 billionth person who says their company's name or slogan out loud each week. This means people randomly interject company names into casual conversation in hopes that they might be the big winner. It also means that old people just repeat company names over and over when they are alone in their fiber-caves. They don't know you can't win unless another person or cyborg actually hears you say it.

Free Sampling - In the future we will have robot servants. And they will be able to read our minds. And when they sense that we are thirsty they will offer you a free sample of Starbucks' newest icy, electrolight enhanced coffee beverage. These robots will have all the ingredients needed to make these new beverages already downloaded inside their mechanical bellies. So in just a few seconds you can have a delicious Starbucks refreshment pouring out of your robo-servant's finger. The first drink is free, but every time you request your robot slave to make this drink for you again, they charge your robo-account.

Promotional Dancing Monkeys - In the future, they still have those dudes in monkey suits dancing outside car dealerships, holding up "0% APR" signs. But instead of there being a dude inside the monkey suit, it's a robot. And dealerships are selling flying cars. Also, robots in monkey suits can do the moonwalk way better than regular people ever could.

Interactive - In the future Google is inside your brain. Which means when you are drunk, the internet doesn't work very well. You end up mental-clicking a lot of stuff you never wanted to, like mental ads. Companies know when you are drunk, and so they start sending you lots of promotional offers. So while you are stumbling around trying to look up a mindmap so you can find your way back home from the party at your friend's fiber-cave, you get confused and end up ordering your credit score like 15 times.

Hair Cuts - In the future you can take a pill to stop your hair from growing so you never need a hair cut. Then you can take another pill to make it grow again. That has nothing to do with advertising, but I think it's pretty cool.

33 comments:

rocco said...

totally dig the future as seen through the lens of littlejohn's mind. thanks for sharing. I would love to know what you hope the future doesn't include?

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laura said...

the first scenario gives me a really bad feeling.. it's like people have drifted so far apart from each other that they only communicate in order to advertise a product or another.. it's chilling, don't you think?
not to mention the referral to old people, who instead of drinking good tea and reading nice books and remembering the good times of their life and traveling etc. are left obsessively and uselessly repeating brand names..
I hope the world will become more "human" in the future..

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